Dating and Relationships in South Korea
So having been here over a year and gone a few dates and had a couple Korean boyfriends (this may come as a surprise to some, I'm usually not very open about my dating life with family back home). I have a few observations to make about dating in South Korea as a straight, white woman.
Foreign women are in a strange position when it comes to dating. For me, being of average looks at home in Canada, I have suddenly gone up a few beauty points here. I have the coveted pale skin, "exotic" blue eyes and more curves than the average Korean women. These are both pluses and minuses when it comes to dating in Korea.
Having exotic looks here in Korea does create more interest and being told you are beautiful on a regular basis does boost the ego, but that interest is often more about novelty than anything else. It's a fantasy to date a foreign woman, a kind of experience to be had than a relationship to be made. However, not all Korean men have that notion but there seems to be a large portion that do.
If, however, you do manage to meet a Korean man that does, in fact, want a relationship and not just an experience; there are other proverbial bumps in the road.
Firstly, the language barrier. Depending on how good his English is or how good your Korean is , language might not be much of an issue. But there is still the nuances of a language that can be missed between partners that do not speak the same native language. Miscommunications can be a problem and create conflict where there necessarily shouldn't be. However, I believe that this is a minor problem that can be remedied with patience and careful consideration of your words which is good for any relationship, not just international ones. As well I believe that intention is universal and can be understood between people of different cultures if taken in with an open mind and an understanding heart. Although the language barrier can create problems it is a relatively small problem within the scope of things.
The greater problem would be the cultural barrier. The introduction of foreign people and cultures is still very new in Korea. Korea is still very much steeped in tradition and the effects of monoculturalism are prevalent. As welcoming as I have found Koreans to be, there is also this feeling of otherness that hangs around me like a cloud. That feeling although I am included in a great many things in Korea, I will never be one of them or considered so and that goes for most foreigners here.
This translates into problems when dating in Korea, especially being a foreign woman dating Korean men. Traditionally, the daughter-in-law is responsible for taking care of her in-laws. This includes making the traditional meals that go along with the holidays in Korea. So a foreign girlfriend with little to no experience in performing these basic duties is not suitable for most Korean parents to consider as a wife for their son. And according to Korean culture, parents' words are law. So unless you have a very counterculture boyfriend or he has very liberal parents, you will never be his wife, maybe a girlfriend, but never his wife.
On top of all this, the Korean lifestyle is extremely busy, with work taking up most of their time. It is not uncommon for Koreans to work well into the night at their jobs. So free time for dating is limited at best.Lack of quality time is a killer in any relationship.
So now you must think, "Why don't you just date a fellow foreigner?". Well, that also is an issue in Korea. For as much difficulty as there is for foreign women to have successful relationships, I would argue that foreign men have it much easier.
It seems that many foreign men come here to find a wife, specifically a Korean wife and it appears fairly simple for them to do so.
They have the exotic factor as well but it works much more in their favour. Yes, there are Korean women, just like men, that want the experience of dating a Western man without a serious relationship but they are far fewer. The benefits for Korean women in marrying a foreign man far outweigh the negatives. They get to avoid all the duties of a daughter-in-law to Korean in-laws which makes life much less stressful for them. There is also the possibility of moving to another country such as Canada or the USA where all the stresses of the Korean lifestyle can be avoided altogether. So to date and possibly marry a foreign man for a Korean woman, is a benefit to her.
So for the foreign man, he has the benefit of being exotic therefore handsome, and the women see him as a potential life partner and a way to escape societal and cultural pressures. Not to say that all foreign men and Korean women's relationships are merely convenient but they are mutually beneficial in most cases.
So when a relationship is beneficial for both parties, why look elsewhere?
So with all this going for them, foreign Western men in Korea rarely date other foreign women when there are so many beautiful Korean women vying for their attention and their last names.
This leaves a very, very small dating pool for a foreign woman in Korea who is interested in more than just a fling. So for the moment, this foreign woman has decided to hop out of that pool and enjoy life poolside. I'll watch others go swimming. Unless, of course, a particularly handsome man swims by. ;)
Foreign women are in a strange position when it comes to dating. For me, being of average looks at home in Canada, I have suddenly gone up a few beauty points here. I have the coveted pale skin, "exotic" blue eyes and more curves than the average Korean women. These are both pluses and minuses when it comes to dating in Korea.
Having exotic looks here in Korea does create more interest and being told you are beautiful on a regular basis does boost the ego, but that interest is often more about novelty than anything else. It's a fantasy to date a foreign woman, a kind of experience to be had than a relationship to be made. However, not all Korean men have that notion but there seems to be a large portion that do.
If, however, you do manage to meet a Korean man that does, in fact, want a relationship and not just an experience; there are other proverbial bumps in the road.
Firstly, the language barrier. Depending on how good his English is or how good your Korean is , language might not be much of an issue. But there is still the nuances of a language that can be missed between partners that do not speak the same native language. Miscommunications can be a problem and create conflict where there necessarily shouldn't be. However, I believe that this is a minor problem that can be remedied with patience and careful consideration of your words which is good for any relationship, not just international ones. As well I believe that intention is universal and can be understood between people of different cultures if taken in with an open mind and an understanding heart. Although the language barrier can create problems it is a relatively small problem within the scope of things.
The greater problem would be the cultural barrier. The introduction of foreign people and cultures is still very new in Korea. Korea is still very much steeped in tradition and the effects of monoculturalism are prevalent. As welcoming as I have found Koreans to be, there is also this feeling of otherness that hangs around me like a cloud. That feeling although I am included in a great many things in Korea, I will never be one of them or considered so and that goes for most foreigners here.
This translates into problems when dating in Korea, especially being a foreign woman dating Korean men. Traditionally, the daughter-in-law is responsible for taking care of her in-laws. This includes making the traditional meals that go along with the holidays in Korea. So a foreign girlfriend with little to no experience in performing these basic duties is not suitable for most Korean parents to consider as a wife for their son. And according to Korean culture, parents' words are law. So unless you have a very counterculture boyfriend or he has very liberal parents, you will never be his wife, maybe a girlfriend, but never his wife.
On top of all this, the Korean lifestyle is extremely busy, with work taking up most of their time. It is not uncommon for Koreans to work well into the night at their jobs. So free time for dating is limited at best.Lack of quality time is a killer in any relationship.So now you must think, "Why don't you just date a fellow foreigner?". Well, that also is an issue in Korea. For as much difficulty as there is for foreign women to have successful relationships, I would argue that foreign men have it much easier.
It seems that many foreign men come here to find a wife, specifically a Korean wife and it appears fairly simple for them to do so.
They have the exotic factor as well but it works much more in their favour. Yes, there are Korean women, just like men, that want the experience of dating a Western man without a serious relationship but they are far fewer. The benefits for Korean women in marrying a foreign man far outweigh the negatives. They get to avoid all the duties of a daughter-in-law to Korean in-laws which makes life much less stressful for them. There is also the possibility of moving to another country such as Canada or the USA where all the stresses of the Korean lifestyle can be avoided altogether. So to date and possibly marry a foreign man for a Korean woman, is a benefit to her.
So for the foreign man, he has the benefit of being exotic therefore handsome, and the women see him as a potential life partner and a way to escape societal and cultural pressures. Not to say that all foreign men and Korean women's relationships are merely convenient but they are mutually beneficial in most cases.
So when a relationship is beneficial for both parties, why look elsewhere?
So with all this going for them, foreign Western men in Korea rarely date other foreign women when there are so many beautiful Korean women vying for their attention and their last names.
This leaves a very, very small dating pool for a foreign woman in Korea who is interested in more than just a fling. So for the moment, this foreign woman has decided to hop out of that pool and enjoy life poolside. I'll watch others go swimming. Unless, of course, a particularly handsome man swims by. ;)
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